The existential dimension in therapy
When you come into therapy, it is often the unhappiness and stress in your life that brings you to the point of seeing a therapist. At the same time there is a dawning realisation there is this pattern of relating to yourself and to others that keeps repeating that is triggering these feelings
Understanding the problem
The therapy provides a space in which you can explore this subjective world that makes sense on its own terms. It has a subjective logic and an urgency that pulls you into it. Yet if looked at from outside, it is this ‘logic’ which is creating the problems in your life and making you anxious and stressed.
This putting it on the table, so to speak, of what is making you unhappy, allows for an emotional release and an understanding of what is going on. This in turn allows you to see how it has played out in your relationships, both now and in the past.
Anxiety is a call to action
But as the therapy progresses, there is, amongst all the anxieties that have been addressed, a new one that percolates up and comes into your awareness. It is about acting into the world in a different way, of changing the way you do things or relate to people and situations and this is where an existential perspective on anxiety comes to the fore.
Anxiety is a call to action. It is about something that needs to be addressed. You probably know this intuitively when you have something important to do, like a job interview that you need to prepare for. Put off doing this and the anxiety grows, and it is only when you stop procrastinating, that the anxiety is taken up and lessens.
The same applies to the issues you have brought to therapy. There is this way you have done things, what I sometimes call the well worn path that you go down so easily without even thinking about it. This is where the problems lie that you have been describing. This is what the therapy has helped you express and understand and now you see it.
The existential reality
But then the question arises, what are you going to do about it? The existential reality is that sometimes actions do speak louder than words. It is the doing that makes the change. It is not enough to just understand what the problem is.
You can think of it as a door, which doesn’t open easily. It’s quite stiff, because it hasn’t been used and requires a real effort to push it open. It’s always felt easier to go down that well worn path, where you put off what needs to be addressed. But if you do go through that door, you will feel this relief once you’re on the other side. Here, you have come not only to understand what has been troubling you, but also found the agency to channel the anxiety and do something about it.
It’s not easy, but once you are on the other side of that door, you feel good about having faced that existential challenge. You do have this agency. It’s real and you can use it to push through that door and continue to make these changes in your life.
©2022 Kevin Rose
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